When Chantelle was just a few weeks out from discharge, she was struggling. I was not okay at all. I wasn’t okay until Tesha talked to you, when I went upstairs. I had no solid game plan. I had anxiety. I was scared I was going to go back and do the same thing. I didn’t want to leave, I was secure. I had food, housing, I was sober. I was afraid of getting out.
I’ve been out almost a year. That’s crazy.
When you discharge, it’s kind of like, getting thrown out. You don’t have as much help. I didn’t have to do pre-release. It’s a little more stressful finding a place to go. I didn’t want to do sober living at first. I discharged to family at 8am, and moved in with them. The day I got out was the day they were moving back in from their place being renovated. It was stressful. The neighborhood had a high amount of violence, cops being called a lot. Hearing gun shots. Shortly after getting out, a loved one relapsed.
It was hard getting out because I was surrounded by drugs and stuff. It was hard to make that decision to stay clean and distance myself from my loved ones. I didn’t want to, but I did. I had nothing when I got out. I didn’t have stability. I didn’t feel safe.
I just was like, I felt weak. I knew if I didn’t do something, I was going to be down the same path. I had a breaking point, I couldn’t do it anymore. I found a loaded needle in the house I was living in. I just knew, this wasn’t for me, I had to get away. I called Rosebud, she said, It’s time, do it.” And I applied for sober living: Hannah House. I got in.
I’ve had stability, my own space, which has helped me tremendously. I have had that time to focus on myself and do the things I need to do. I got a license for the first time in my life, a car. Having stability is the main thing. People need stability. If you don’t have that, it makes life so much harder. It’s a key part of sobriety. I haven’t had stability since I was a kid. Having community, a handful of people that I opened up to and reached out to. Being willing to ask for help. Asking for help has always been a struggle for me. Having somewhere to go when things started unraveling. The extra hand when I got out. I had nothing. My family bought me underwear, slides, shampoo and conditioner, and a toothbrush.
I got blessed with a job right when I got out and that helped.
Now, I know I’m not alone. I don’t even know how to put into words the changes I have gone through. I’ve grown up. I don’t want that lifestyle anymore, I lived it too long and I’m only 26. When I was sitting in prison before I got out, I was consumed with anxiety about the future. Now, I have peace and I protect that.
